What the Ballz: Gold Experience Requiem
by Great Question
Summary: Side-fic to "What the Ballz is that Guy Talking about?" Dino and Haru go on a quest... That they'll regret... D86 for Dior's Contest, Implied Yaoi and 27K.


Disclaimer: Don't Own anything!

Implied 27K and 8059

* * *

_**Gold Experience Requiem**_

_**By: GreatQuestion**_

"_Ah Christmas... A time for joy, happiness, and family...."-Someone_

_"Lame. Let's see what the ballz would happen if we mix Soul Eater and Reborn."__-Great Question  
_

Christmas time was a special time for everyone, even more so for the Vongola family. Everyone was enjoying a wonderful time, except Dino who was forced to clean up the party room the next day because he was the only one not passed out shit-faced drunk, knocked unconscious, or celebrating in their own way with their special partner... in bed...

"Dammit... Why am I the only one to clean this up... damn Tsuna getting it on with Kyoko... and what the hell is Yamamoto doing..."

"Gokudera apparently."

"Indeed..." Dino froze for a second and processed his thoughts, "Wait what?"

"Haru saw a drunk Gokudera and Yamamoto..."

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW ANYMORE!" Dino yelled at Haru, standing in the entrance way. "Wait... what are you doing here?"

"Haru's the only one besides you who's not drunk or unconscious, so Haru figured Haru'd help." The black haired girl offered, picking up some of the garbage. "This way, it get done twice as fast."

"THANK YOU!" Dino yelled hugging Haru.

About an hour later, the two finished by throwing the bleeding from the head, drunken, wrapped up in a rug Squalo out of the second story window into a dumpster. "Whew, Finally!"

"Thanks for your help Haru"

"You're Welco... Wait, we forgot something!" Haru picked up a book that was smashed upside the unconscious Ryohei's face.

"Oh yeah, that was one of the White Elephant gifts that ended up being bashed upside Ryohei's head.

The fancy decorated book caught both of their attention. "Ex... Exca.... Haru can't read it..." It being in latin didn't help.

"Excalibur." Dino took the book and started reading it. "Seems like it's about a weapon called the legendary Holy Sword. You have to take it from the ground... and the one who pulls it out is called the "Hero" and will be forever admired. In the past, only those who were "kings" have succeeded."

"Wow!" Haru was completely amazed, "It must be a wonderfully beautiful sword!"

" "Hero", "King", Suits me just fine!" Dino too was completely amazed by the story.

"Ah... Excalibur, huh?" The duo jumped at the sudden third voice in the room.

"Ah! Verde!"

"You scared Haru!"

"The Holy Sword Excalibur... When Innocenti, Koenig, and I were creating the box weapons, we did a secret project to create a weapon with a personality and could transform into a human form, similar to how the Vongola boxes can turn into animals. We poured our knowledge together to create said humanoid weapon codenamed "Excalibur"."

"So Excalibur exists! Oh~! Haru wants it!" Haru said jealously.

"Where is it now?" Dino Inquired.

"Since we couldn't find anyone able to control it, we sealed it into a mountain cave. If you want to check it out, I can tell you where it is."

"Really! YEAH! Let's go Dino!" Haru was jumping up and down excitedly, tugging at Dino's sleeve.

"Be careful though... Not even Reborn could handle Excalibur!"

-DRAMATIC GASP!-

Dino was the first to speak after this shock, "N-n-n-not even Reborn!"

"Let's go already!" Haru yelled, practically dragging Dino out of the room.

* * *

A few days later, Dino and Haru arrived in front of a waterfall. "This is where Verde said it was..." Dino was still trembling at the fact that not even Reborn could handle this weapon. "There should be a cave on top of the waterfall."

"How are we gonna get to the top?"

"I've got it! Let's go Scuderia!" Dino pulled out his box weapon and summoned forth his Pegasso Supel Salto Volante. "Hop on Haru." As they hopped onto the pegasus, it flew them up towards the top.

"Eeep! So high! Haru's scared!"

"Hold on! We're almost there!" They safely landed at the top of the cliff, infront of a cave that was filled with ankle-deep water. "This is it, the "Paradise of Faries", Eternia Caves."

"Eh! Faries?"

"I believe it's just a myth..." As they traveled through the caves, Dino's train of thoughts were stopped when a 1-foot tall little woman with wings covered in mist flame appeared. "Well, I was wrong before."

"OH-EM-GEE! A fairy!"

"Hello there travelers..." The little fairy greeted in a soft, sweet voice.

"Is Excalibur ahead?"

"...." The Fairy's express quickly turned into one of disgust, "Yeah...", she replied in a deep, rasp voice of anger before flying away.

"...."

"Maybe she was in a bad mood..."

"Let's continue."

Moments later, Haru and Dino arrived at an alter covered in radiant light.

"Is... Is that..."

"It is... the Holy Sword Excalibur!" Before them, basking in the radiant sunlight was a beautifully decorated broadsword. The aura around it was shaking the very air, both of them could barely stand in it's presence. "Look at it... the precise ornamentation on the body of the sword that doesn't even have a scratch... Beautiful! It deserves to be called the Holy Sword! I bet no one other then the chosen hero can pull it out...."

-shing-

"Ya~~~y! Haru's the Hero!" Haru cheered waving around the divine blade, this shocked Dino.

"Wait Wait! Do over!"

"Okay!" Haru placed the sword back into the ground and Dino walked over to it.

His heart beat rapidly like a drum, his palm was sweater then a river...

-shing-

"I... pulled it out.... That was surprisingly easy?"

"**YOU'VE COME FAR, YOUNG ONES!" **The loud dynamic voice startled the two of them as light engulfed the Holy Sword.

"The Sword!"

"It's Talking!"

"**SORRY FOR THE LATE INTRODUCTION... I AM THE ONE CALLED EXCALIBUR! GAZE UPON MY MAJESTIC FORM!"**

"W... Wow...." As the light faded, Excalibur's "Majestic form" was revealed to the two. "He looks dumb!" Haru giggled.

His humanoid form is not elegant like his weapon form, as he looks like a cartoon-ish anthropomorphic creature with a large curled up nose, a cane, dressed in a white suit and top hat, and no pants.

Dino was the first to Speak, "Y...You're the Holy sword? You look.... Weird..."

"I'll ask the same to you!" Excalibur thrusted his cane at Dino, "Who are you, Looking like that!"

"Me? I'm Dino of the..."

"My legend started in the 12th Century!" Dino didn't finish his sentence when he was interrupted.

* * *

Meanwhile, Back at the Vongola mansion, Reborn meet up with Verde and Tsuna. "Hey, Verde, have you seen Dino?"

"Yeah... Haru's missing too..."

"Dino and the brunette left in search of The Holy Sword." Verde's nonchalant answer caused Reborn to cring.

"You mean..."

"Yes... Excalibur..." After Verde's response, both fell silent, "You can probably guess what's gonna happen..."

"True..."

* * *

Back at the cave, Haru and Dino were getting grilled by the weird top hat and cane creature. "You guys look like Mafia... Where do you come from!"

"Don't pointing your cane at me like that! It's annoying!

"Haru and Dino are from..."

"Oh Yeah! I'll show you something good!" Once again, Excalibur interrupted them.

"ARE YOU LISTENING OR WHAT!"

"What's with him... If he's gonna wear cloths... he should put on some pants!"

"Agreed Haru..."

"Do you want to hear the chronicles of my heroism!"

"Stop point your cane at me!"

"Do you want to hear about it?"

"Move the cane!"

"Where do you come from?"

"WE ALREADY SAID WE'RE FROM THE VONGOLA!"

"What is your favorite number between 1 and 12?"

"Uh... 10."

"Haru's is 8!"

"FOOLS! You have no right to choose! My legend starts in the 12th century!"

At this point, Dino had snapped, "DIDN'T YOU SAY TO CHOOSE! This is crap! Who the hell wrote this book!" Dino grabbed the book on Excalibur, and read the authors name, "Excalibur..... YOU WROTE THIS YOURSELF!"

"No Autographs!"

* * *

Back at the Vongola mansion, Tsuna was Curious. "Hey Verde, What kind of Weapon is the Holy Sword?"

"The one who weilds the sword will gain wings of light and instant teleportation, and with one swing, they could cut through air! There isn't another box weapon that is stronger in this world!"

"So... Only the chosen one can wield it?"

"No, it can match the flames of anyone who touches it... The main Problem..."

* * *

Back at the cave, Dino and Haru were given a large packet of paper each. "To become my master, there are 1000 provisions you must see too!" Haru and Dino quickly glanced over it...

1: My mornings start off with a cup of coffee

22: A refreshing morning begins with a refreshing greeting

58: When I'm humming a tune to myself, you must not speak!

75: Excalibur's birthday must be celebrated in a grand manner

"When's your Birthday?"

"Everyday is Excalibur's Birthday!"

"THAT MEANS EVERYDAY!"

172: Hold a sense of the Japanese spirit

202: The highest class toilet must be prepared

278: You must never permit carrots in my meals

349: You must never violate my food preferences

473: You're to always stay 3 step behind me while walking

578: A hero shall always convey the truth

602: Food must be freshly prepared

667: Always praise Excalibur

679: I must always have a dehumidifier in my room

778: Never mail out packages cash-on-delivery

998: When you order a package for home delivery, you must always use cash on delivery.

"THERE ARE TOO MUCH!" Dino Yelled.

"As for #452, I hope you join my 5-hour "recitation of my legends meeting!" Light engulfed Excalibur

as he transformed back into his sword form. **"NOW! YOU TWO ARE CHOSEN! TAKE IN YOUR HANDS, VICTORY AND GLORY!"**

"V... Victory!"

"G-glory!"

Dino and Haru raised their hands, and grabbed onto Excalibur. The alter filled with radiant light, and glorious golden wings formed on Haru's and Dino's back.

"NOW LET'S GO! TOGETHER!"

-Shunk-

As Excalibur was placed back into the ground, Dino and Haru walked off.

"As if we'd do that! LAME!"

"Yeah! Haru agrees! SO LAME!"

* * *

"You see Tsuna, no matter how much you match Excalibur's power, there's no human alive who can deal with Excalibur's personality!"

* * *

"**Wait! Wait, Please! Alright, I know! I'll reduce the provisions from 1000 to 800! but I do want you to come to my legend meeting!"**

Excalibur's calls dimmed as the two walked out of the cave. "The one who ends up with that guy deserves to be called Hero for a special reason!"

"Ugh! Disgusting!"

As they were leaving, the fairy from before appeared, "Did you meet Excalibur?" This time it was their faces that changed to an expression of disgust as they left. "That's a yes..."

* * *

Days later, Haru and Dino appeared back at the Vongola mansion. "We're back!"

"Dino-San! Haru! Come look at this!"

They ran in to see two large wreaths of flowers around an image of Excalibur with their names on them and a banner saying "I will always be waiting for you! -Excalibur"

"There's probably a good story behind this."

"LAME!" The duo yelled simultaneously.


End file.
